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NO TEST, NO TESTIMONY

  NO TEST, NO TESTIMONY   I Peter 4 v 13 ; But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ's sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy.   Proverbs 17 v 3 The fining pot is for silver, and the furnace for gold: but the LORD trieth the hearts.   The bible says rejoice, despite suffering, he said so you can be glad when his glory comes. Christianity is not all about celebration and jubilation, there is also time for tribulation. Test is an affliction; the test of life is a type of affliction that every believer must go through. It is so sad that believers do not want to experience the suffering of Christ but they want His prosperity.   Psalm 34 v 19 Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the LORD delivereth him out of them all.   Child of God, if you have not gone through affliction then your Christianity is still questionable. If God does not shake you, He cannot use y...
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DANGERS OF FRIENDSHIP WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX IN MARRIAGE!

 

The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the Lord thy God. Deuteronomy 22:5

Friendship can be positive or negative, it can either have a positive or negative influence in our lives and marriage.

Friendship with the opposite sex can destroy your marriage or intending marital relationship if it goes too far, too close and unchecked. However, it can be healthy if you and your spouse take the necessary steps to ensure that that relationship meet the standards and boundaries you have both established.

When you made the decision to get married, you made a decision to prioritize your marriage and that involves channeling your energy and focus on your marital relationship. This does not mean that you should totally rule off your other friendships, it only means that if you have friendships with the opposite sex that you wish to keep, there are very important questions that you must ask yourself.

Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak. Matthew 26:41 (KJV)

QUESTIONS YOU SHOULD ASK YOURSELF

·       Is my friendship with the opposite sex a do or die affair?

If your answer to the above question is “NO” then “QUIT” but if “YES” then “RUN FOR YOUR LIFE”. There is no relationship more important than a marital relationship. Any friendship with the opposite sex you cannot do without is the EXIT door of your marriage. No matter how spiritually matured you are, remember that a weaker vessel is involved.

But you must be careful so that your freedom does not cause others with a weaker conscience to stumble. I Corinthians 8:9 (NLT)

Often times, danger begin when your relationship is based on some form of attraction, not necessarily sexual or emotional attraction but admiration of something in that person. If you can avoid the dangers, why fall into it?

·       Is my spouse in support of this friendship?

Every friendship with the opposite sex where your spouse is not involved may be dangerous.

Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

I Corinthians 7:5 (NKJV)

If your friendship with the opposite sex is causing arguments in your home then you need to withdraw from that friendship. God has made the husband and wife “one” so any friend you have must also be a friend to your spouse. Your spouse should be able to reply a text from any of your friends both male and female if you do not have any secrets to hide.

BOUNDARIES TO SET WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX

If you must have and keep friends with the opposite sex, you must set boundaries, these boundaries include:

§  Communication Boundaries

It is very important to set boundaries on the topics you discuss, especially sensitive topics like your sex life is a “NO-NO”, your emotions should be put aside.

Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. Ephesians 4:29 (NKJV)

So many single and marital relationships have been destroyed via communication on phone or social media platforms. Evaluate the friends you and your spouse keep on social media while maintaining a healthy amount of trust for each other. Be careful of people who always like and comment on all your posts on social media using sensual and erotic words.

§  Physical Boundaries

You must understand that you should neither touch or be touched carelessly by an opposite sex no matter how close you are with such a friend, this is because a friendly hug can be mistaken for something else and send wrong signals or unconsciously graduate into an affair.

§  Spiritual Boundaries

Your spiritual life is of paramount importance. It is imperative for you to grow spiritually with your spouse by praying together, studying together and carrying out other spiritual exercise together. This aspect of your life is not for friends as the saying goes “a family that prays together stays together”, think for a minute what happens when you leave your spouse and carryout spiritual exercises with your friend who is also of the opposite sex. The devil can play a fast one on you.

There are three things which are too wonderful for me, Yes, four which I do not understand: 19 The way of an eagle in the air, The way of a serpent on a rock, The way of a ship in the midst of the sea, And the way of a man with a virgin. 20 This is the way of an adulterous woman: She eats and wipes her mouth, And says, “I have done no wickedness.” Proverbs 30:18-20 (NKJV)

If you must involve your spiritual life with a friend especially the opposite sex, your spouse must be carried along. However, do not go the extreme by avoiding all ladies or all gentlemen but let purity and the love of God be the standard.

Do not rebuke an older man, but exhort him as a father, younger men as brothers, 2 older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, with all purity. I Timothy 5:1-2 (NJKV)

§  Time Boundaries

When you enjoy spending time with an opposite sex than your spouse, you decrease the opportunity for your marriage to flourish, mature and secure itself thereby increasing the opportunity for infidelity to creep in.

Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, 16 making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. 17 Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. Ephesians 5 :17 (NIV)

Feelings and lustful desires develop when you always spend time alone with the opposite sex and that is why intending couples are advised not to always spend long hours together alone.

Do your best to involve your spouse in your friendship with the opposite sex and ensure that the necessary boundaries are in place.

Thanks for reading.

Kindly write your thoughts and contribution at the comment section below. What boundaries could be in place to avoid issues in marriage?

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